We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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