then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
