I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize