we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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