He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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