??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
