38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
