I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
