so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
