you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
