So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like abortions should bother me more
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
