Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
