My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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