...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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