She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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