Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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