So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize