I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
