just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
