dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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