I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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