Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
