Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
