I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
