yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
