walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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