I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
