the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
