Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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