need another drink. this is the easiest way
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize