I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
