Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
