Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
