You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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