Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
