Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
