I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize