if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Green mimosas i think yes
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
