very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
