I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish I only lived at night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
