My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
