well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
