Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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