I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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