Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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