I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
