i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
