You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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