No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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