Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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