I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
