Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize