drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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