Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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