Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
