literally had 100 drinks last night.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
