so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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