i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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