He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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