hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Welp...herpes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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