woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
