When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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