Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize