tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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