Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
