if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
