this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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