Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
