I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
