Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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