dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
