I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
