i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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