It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
