dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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