So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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