why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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