Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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