I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
