Jerry, you need to find god
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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