id be glad to
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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