stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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