I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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