I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
