Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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