dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
