I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
