i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize