Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
