I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
