THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
