Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
