Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
