i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
