After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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