were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
