right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
