i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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