I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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