My first STD was from a foam party
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
